Lady Gaga arriving at her hotel in Los Angeles last night.
I love her and I miss her, but at the same time I’m kinda worried. It’s been so long, I’m not sure if I know her anymore. She always said she loves her fans more than anything, so why is she making us wait for so long? Why have she “left us alone”? I know there must be a good reason for all of this, but still… I feel weird.
I think I would be a great mom because I’m already super embarrassing. I don’t use Twitter or Instagram or anything like that and I don’t understand any of the slang young people use these days. And I’m only 21.
In my heart, Montenegro won the whole Eurovision contest. I know, I know, they didn’t even get to go to the Grand Final, but still. I love their song! I’m seriously disappointed that they weren’t chosen.
If you haven’t heard this song yet, you should listen to it right now! :)
On a different note, I guess Denmark was OK, but it didn’t really do it for me tho. Malta, Hungary and Sweden were pretty nice too. And the whole man-in-a-box-thing from Azerbaijan was pretty entertaining.
And Finland, our dear Krista, I can’t believe how low score they got! I think the song is great and the performance was very cute :) and btw, loved the Jeffrey Campbells, of course.
I “recovered” from severe depression like 2 years ago. I’ve sometimes been sad since then, but who hasn’t?
Sometimes I think that depression isn’t something you can recover from. It’s part of you. It’s in you. It doesn’t change that much along the way. Like the color of your eyes or sertain aspects of your personality.
To me, depression is like an old friend. When he’s not around, you’re not even sure if you remember him correctly. What was it like to hang out with him? Even if it’s silly, you kinda miss him. It made you feel different. Special. Was he really such a bad friend after all?
Then you meet him again. He’s just as horrible as he was back then. You hate him, you don’t want to see him ever again. But like all the bad friends, he won’t leave you alone now that you’ve let him in again.
I’m just too tired to have this fight over and over again. I know I have people around me. People who love me. People who care about me. But this is something I have to do alone. No one can just magicly make the depression go away.
I’m so tired. Sometimes I just want to die. But at the same time, I know I can’t. I don’t want to ruin my sister’s and my mother’s lives. They love me so much.
But it’s so damn hard to live just to make someone else happy. It’s hard when you don’t feel like fighting anymore.